Well that didn’t go according to plan! First evening spent all together at Ex hub’s house and I arrive sweaty and tired about 6pm, the men having been there all day, some nervous anticipation all around. Greeted by child 3 walking away with dog and not acknowledging my honk on the horn. Greeted by mine host having left to go and see friends for a drink and some business. I am reassured by Child 2 that he will be back and insists on cooking. Knowing me pretty well she pours me a vodka and T (brought with me) and I sit on my own garden chair in lovely peaceful garden with dog. No sign of Him so wander into kitchen and uncover a plate on the side with (shock horror) frozen chicken legs – defrosting slowly! Beginning to feel the hysterico passio rising I get my phone and order a take away. Just as I am about to set off to collect He arrives and is not pleased when I burst into tears and say I am tired and hungry, turns on heel, collects take away and we sit around massive mounds of food which we all pick at in complete silence. Attempted bursts at conversation disappear into the ether. Methinks this is going to be a long 12 week visit. Hugs and apologies follow and the children cheer up, Oh dear the things we do to them!. I am not proud of my hissy fit but also feel a little bit justified as it is late by now. I could write a book about marriage and divorce and the effects it has on children – maybe I should.

Much activity followed this debacle, everyone rather loud and extra cheerful. I suggested we play Twister but luckily we don’t have it. Ex hub scurried about making room in a drawer in the boot room for my knickers and knick knacks, Child 2 busied herself arranging and rearranging plants in her room, Child 3 rather silent retreated to world of his own in bedroom. I made up sofa bed and lay with my own white duvet and sheets pulled up to my chin feeling odd. Still awake at 3 I can hear screaming fox cubs running about the road and wonder if they are about to leap through my window. As all floors upstairs are wooden there is much creaking and shuffling, you can hear every word from every room – interesting!

Up at 7 this morning to return to boxed up house of my own where I have a corner for my computer and just hope all this will be worth it. More coffee and biscuits for lovely men.

So the men are here packing all the stuff we are not taking, the kitchen is crammed full of the stuff we are, the car is up to the roof and the fridge is full of cheese and salad. The things – like the massive hand of bananas bought for the teenagers but – pah! Not healthy shit ma!

With apologies to the establishment (not named) in which we wearily made our way last evening for a well earned supper. On our way home the anarchist of a dyed hair rebel produced the pot in which her chips came, “I need it to put my plants in”. Hand to face emoji!! The alcohol was most welcome but I’m not sure we tasted the food as we were all so tired.

Child 3 did not accompany us as he had gone to race RC cars with his mates having first had to have new braces fitted at orthodontist. Happily they reiterated what I have been wittering on about, that as he has not been wearing his prelim brace at all the teeth are not where they should be so they could not do all the work needed so another appointment necessary for second set. He then happily stayed with his dad so as to have a lie in this morning. It’s a man’s world!

The Uncle of Oz whirls like a gentle dervish and manages to complete shelving in the garage, tearing down overgrown triffids in the garden, eats a banana, removing curtain poles and putting all the doings in tidy bags attached to said pole in ingenious ways; he is cheerful and willing and capable of nearly everything. Rather Croc Dundee but his swiss army knife is compact. Oh Lawks – not a euphemism! Having taken a mattress from here to the dump in his small car (cheaper to buy than hire apparently) he will leave to drive to Edinbugh in it to go and see further cousins, before seeing even further cousins in Ireland then returning to us. It will no doubt still be hot and dry and he can show us how to BarB in our new domain with the Ex hub.

I am off to buy a house warming gift for Ex hub as we will descend on him with nickers and plants and bananas! Talking of knickers – and this is not for those skinny malinkies out there nor for you men – now I have your attention! For those of us who are generously formed, this heat can cause the odd bit of chafing during exercise. Well! I have just discovered “chub rubs” #snag tights! Marvellous little shorts which are hugely comfortable to wear and marvellously, keep your thighs apart. Do try!!

Dog is looking reproachfully at me as she tries to cross her legs until I walk her and the men packing all around her are upsetting her equilibrium. Just asked the Child 2 if she want to take her and received one word answer so I guess my thighs and I are off.

With so much to do but so much achieved having coffee and cake with a dear friend is the answer to most things. This particular friend makes home made Madelines and as they are also caffeine and gluten free and unleaded – you can have two or three, marvellous! Added delight of two young, with bright eyes and great degree results pinned to their pert chests. Feeling more energised went laden down with enormous curtains to Waitrose which apparently are good at dry cleaning – who knew. Purchased chicken tongues and lesser known smoked salmon from Finalndia for lunch with non aged Uncle plus one.

Arrive home to find the very large notice written in red sharpie which I left in plain site for Child 2 and 3 has been ignored. Dog is crossing its legs and dish washer tongue hanging out. Being a singer I don’t need a megaphone so there is a crashing of teenagers who rush down looking guilty. Dog walked, kitchen sorted and lunch ready on the table Uncle plus one do not appear. Nothing lost we guzzle and get back to the packing grind. Later the uncle arrives having had a miscommunication and is marvellous at taking apart the Ikea sofa bed with a trusty Alan key. I do hope Alan gets royalties for every one sold! Child 3 bed is also placed outside by the garage to be collected first thing by useful man who does that sort of thing.

One of the many emails I deal with today is from harassed member of accounts department at work which whilst I am quite sympathetic, is in response to mine from May asking for P60 so not too much to ask methinks. Then another email is from prospective buyer of my mum’s cottage asking if there is a covenant involving any occupier being liable for costs to the church chancel. Speaking to wise and wonderful rector I am reassured to discover this is a covenant which began in the middle ages where significant families were liable to the church for costs. As many of these properties were handed down the family it was not discovered until the property was sold. In some cases the church did not discover this until they applied 20 years ago for funding from the lottery and were told they were not eligible. Very interesting piece of outdated legislation but also social history. Luckily in our case, even though this is the fifth property we have owned as a family, in the village, we are not in fact liable. Phew!!

So we have just finished a rug picnic sitting on cushion surrounded by bags and boxes – very calm and happy and “gemutlichkeit”. Moments of calm are much needed as the sore i arseis on my forehead is quite rampant. Not surprising really. Ex hub’s line is becoming fainter which is good news! Perhaps tomorrow he will be clear and can help carry things over to his house – poor thing is probably dreading it. I think we will both need a bottle of wine.

Good night dear ones.

Am I a terrible person? – I am listening to the radio early in the morning, describing Froze’. A drink of frozen rose’ wine with strawberry liquor and having walked the dog before getting on with my packing – I am just thinking well maybe…..

So the dyed hair is not green – the theory was to dye it blonde first then green but the base was natural brown dyed red so it is now a sort of tangerine pink. Apparently there will be another transformation today.  Just as well I am having a new bathroom. My grout!!!

The non aged Uncle of Oz came yesterday and magnificently removed heavy things from walls and pruned roses – something he is very good at. We sat outside having pasta-n-nearly-dead-things from the fridge and a brownie with a candle, while he added yet another layer to his chilled body. 

 As I went to my lovely yoga class, Child 3 took itself off with friends by train to the local town.  No worries at all until I had a phone call from him four hours later effing and jeffing that his phone was about to die and he couldn’t remember his bank pin number. Nearly rang the station to make an announcement but then contacted much calmer friend who got him a message. Returned later,  cross and high on MacD. E numbers. 

If you haven’t already, do try curried rice omelette’s . They are so delicious and nutritious and more importantly very quick to produce when you’re tired.

That was yesterday, I got up very early today to do my duty as church warden preparing the church and altar for communion service. We managed 15 bums on seats which is a goodly number at that time of day but it was beautiful with the door open to sunshine and birdies singing. The Uncle of Oz and I sat beside each other which was very enriching.

Picnic lunch by the river with children and dog and not a jot of work done. Lovely photos from child one etc bucketing and spading (with a wooden fork) beside the sea for a day. How lovely this country is. 

Child 2 is back in the shower with hair dye remover, I think I may need a plumber to remove mounds of hair! I am listening to a delightful programme about Bernard Cribbins, what a varied body of work. 

Slightly terrified about tomorrow as only two days left. Ex hub still +ve and still saying he is lethargic and bored, hmmm! Need to find and round up cats who are non existent most of the time as dog’s favourite sport is cat chasing, but they are booked into kennels so need to reappear.

So the packing goes on, not easy as part going into storage, part staying in garage and part coming to Ex Hub. Yesterday I took the first load over to his house to be greeted by a sleepy face saying he had been asleep. Asking if he was feeling ok and him saying oh yes fine, just bored, I hoped as I turned rapidly away that beads of sweat from my bright red face would land on his smooth peaceful one!

Don’t get me wrong, I know how very lucky we are to be able to move in with him and how kind he is to allow it. After all it’s not every one who has the Ex wife and children move in in the same week he gets engaged!!

We’re allowed to mention it now so it’s ok, I am genuinely delighted for them, Lou is a lovely person and the children are very pleased. He will not be leaving his hot white-board any time soon as has to crack on until Child 3 is finished school. She lives quite far away so there won’t be Three of us living in the house for the next 12 weeks. Phew! On all fronts.

Someone asked why we were having to move out of our lovely home at all – well it’s due to that there pesky Trichophaga tapetzella. Sounds like a rather lovely dance, well that beastie has been dancing and chomping my carpets all over the house, which are now almost bare. In addition we have those ugly arketex ceilings which I don’t like so we are getting them plastered and all the walls painted and whilst we’re at it we are putting in 3 new bathrooms. Having been here 12 years and having teenagers who have behaved like two year olds for far too long, the house has taken a battering. Note to new mothers, don’t EVER allow food and drink on your sofas. The map of food and drink eaten, dropped or wiped on my sofas is just hideous. I am aware that there are mothers out there (and fathers) who have discipline with their small people and make them cleanup after themselves but I never learnt that particular skill. I cannot even imagine having an all white sofa or carpet – like a fluffy dream.

We have done really well today packing and sorting stuff and then I got my photos in the post so had to sit and make a collage. Child two even got on with her unbelievable bedroom and has made fab inroads but is now in the shower dying her hair green! Child three is making interesting noises – don’t ask. Our house is colourful, messy, chaotic but if you can cope, everyone is welcome.

The Uncle from Oz is coming tomorrow so that will be fab, he doesn’t realise he is old so he has loads of energy and strength and is very kind, if vague. In fact he forgot to mention it was not only his birthday but his 80th last week! We will stick a saw and a screwdriver in his hands and he will take off like Great Uncle Dick but less bent over. Now where are my cake tins…..

Tonight I shall gird my loins to watch another episode of Stranger Things – not for those of a nervous disposition. Got to be up early for yoga tomorrow morning so need to sleep!

Just heard the ice cream van – too exciting.  I’m off!

Child two arrived back from an incredible holiday in Switzerland with the most lovely generous and kind friends – described it as the best holiday ever! After much chat over cups of tea we cracked open the Aperol,spritz. DMC ensued (deep meaningful chats) and it seems I have a ”tion” – even better than an ”ism”! So child G Naius informs me that I am suffering from ’Executive Dysfunction’ – oh yessss! Having done sooo much before we went, then keeping it all going in Canada and then London; my pathetic apathy is a thing. Makes me feel so much better. Then childs 2&3 got a grip of me and told me to make floor plans of each room with details of furniture etc then make lists of one room at a time with what needs to happen to each piece. So kind and useful – conversation must have gone ”mum’s lost the plot we need to do something”! All felt better and watched a bit of Stranger Things before bed – child 2 picking its way over mountains of yet more stuff.

In the way of Murphy – of course plans did not go as predicted. Ex hub number 2 has got Covid which means he can’t help me with having kids or helping me to pack as we cannot risk passing it to others. Bother, I said!!! Apparently he is nearly out of quarantine but not quite. We move into his place in less than a week!

I went into optician to replace the lost prescription sunglasses which I hope to claim on insurance, was delighted to get text from Premium Bonds saying I had won £25 then went to car to find penalty charge yellow bloody envelope! Marvellous!

Right! onward! pack woman pack!

When you know you have so much to do, do you sometimes  become numb and turgid with no energy for anything? Before we went away I managed to complete the play that I was in, finish my final assignments for my online training; sort dog, cats, house and packing; deal with redressing mum’s house to sell, organise three of us to go away and be away for four weeks and remember to cancel the milk! Now I can’t get motivated. So much to do to pack entire house before building work! Sort clothing for late summer/ autumn weather including school uniform and new shoes; paperwork which is essential and needs to come, sell things on Vinted (other sites are available but not so convenient) some things going into storage and some things coming with us for the duration.  Before you ask, I have no idea how long we will be away as no idea how long it will take 6/8/12 weeks?! The poor ex husband must be quaking in his boots at the idea of all of us moving in! Not to mention his long suffering girl friend! 

My life is never simple and straightforward! 

Right, come on Karen do something…

Btw – as a postscript we had a brilliant evening out in Worcester on Saturday – me and my Mundy Sisters, to a Mexican with orange walls and mustachioed waitresses bringing tequila and tapas; then a fab and really buzzing bar called The Botanist (same as the one in Brum), great fun although forget any conversation.

Sunday we had a brilliant day at Slimbridge wildfowl centre with child one and Joe and smallest person. Child 2 reluctantly came too but enjoyed it inspite of himself, eating picnic in the rain and dying of heat at the same time. Smallest loved getting up so close to all the ducks, even the long legged ones from Canada. Worth a visit. 

Then watched the Lionesses being fierce and skilled – a great result. 

Happy birthday to L and R for tomorrow – 

Can you see that I am prevaricating…. Get on with it……

Packed up and said goodbye to Prem Inn, not sorry last night there were tiny horses galloping about in the heating vent and this morning awoke to the rhythmic noise you don’t want to hear. I removed the pillow from between my arthritic knees and turned the radio up before taking a shower in the leaking bathroom.

Got in the car and as I had left my prescription sunglasses behind in Canada – so annoying – I put my normal sunglasses on top of my glasses and turned to my son. After a withering look he said ”grow up Karen”! Well I couldn’t move! I’m still chortling now. Dropped him off at course for last time but didn’t like to tell him that parents are invited to come early and see a demonstration. He will die of embarrassment just to have me in the same room.

Yesterday was lovely, very efficient parking of car and catching tube, meeting the father of my children and all three thoroughly enjoying Back to the Future. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect and just hoped it might appeal to the son. Extremely good set and great energy, clever effects and a feel good feeling as you come out. Is it my age or is everything louder now? Nice bit of pasta and chats, goodbye to dad, back on train for Mission Impossible number 23 on the tv. Child three in good mood, hoobloodyrah!

So according to my excellent web savvy friend Evvie, there is a toggle on here. I am trying to find it in order to tag establishments. My breakfast in #Bluebellesofportobello is once again delicious.

Apparently these all start with Welcome but as I don’t know how to get rid of that you are still welcome…

so I am going to continue to write but you can just dip in and out if you want – or not at all…

The youngest child, being gifted with dyslexia , is having to do a week’s touch typing course and the only place which offers what we need is in London! So off to London we go, Finchley is not an area I knew previously and I have to say it is very nice. Apart from the Premier Inn which we are staying in which is definitely grotty. Far be it from me to rubbish somewhere for no reason but the only difference between our room and the grotty camper van is that it doesn’t travel. No refund or cancellation and no point making a fuss so onward. Child 3 is not only reluctant to do this course but actively cross. Feels he can type already and doesn’t want to be in London – fair point – loud n clear. But I feel if he can learn to use all fingers it will benefit with the GCSE’s in the long run.  Possibly what will happen is that he will revert to two but at least I tried.

Made the most of being here by catching up with my fairy godmother as we are free in the afternoons. Lovely to see her although she was looking a bit frail having had a fall that morning. Being 85 you don’t want to be doing that. Dear and generous and loving as always and I promised to go more often. One day I will tell you about her but for those who don’t know, she is a truly remarkable, intelligent and beautiful woman. 

Following afternoon/evening we caught up with – guess who – another cousin! Being blessed with a large family they get everywhere.  A mission of a journey by tube but we managed very well and my step counter went into orbit. Delicious supper and non stop chat before we caught the tube – 22 stops later – back to the grotti Inn. Child 3 was definitely nervous on the walk through the park late at night but I kept a cheerful banter going and didn’t tell him I had hidden my phone in my bra and my card in my pants in case my bag was stolen!

Today’s jolly jaunt is to a matinee meeting up with my ex hub and father to child 3 who will hopefully have spirits raised. I spoke to very nice man in coffee shop who advised me not to think about driving into centre due to this emission zone and the next one, park in Finchley and take tube again. I quite enjoy that feeling of being swept along in a dirty enclosed space with many other fellow mans all looking either tired and dejected or hopeful and anticipating something round the corner like me. It’s totally different when you have to do it every day. Having someone else’s armpit in your face or briefcase in your groin is one of the reasons I left London all those years ago. But for a short time I find it quite thrilling. 

As I write I am wading my way through an enormous breakfast of croissants, poached eggs, salmon and some curious blue stuff. I wish I knew how to tag places (Evvie?) as Bluebells is a really nice cafe – tables with old people meeting and chatting and repeating; business couples with intense faces; young mums with beautiful hair and smart buggies; the doors are all open on to a lovely summer day. What a great time to be alive, don’t read more than the headlines and when you walk always look up. Mind the dog poo!

Home tomorrow and we get the dog back after four weeks away. She has a happy little way of talking so I know when she and the boy are reunited it will be quite a scene. I might relent and let it sleep in his bed as he has missed her so much.

Btw child 2 is living the life of Riley (whoever he was) in Switzerland for a week – flying alone and not communicating with mother at all. Luckily the other mum gives me updates and happy photos. 

Off to see child one plus smallest who has its half birthday on Sunday. When R and H were little they used to get a birthday card cut in half and a cake ditto half way through the year as both had January birthdays. Such fun!

Then next week is rolling up sleeves and big girl pants on to pack up the whole house prior to work beginning- hey ho! Dream bubble of Champneys is coming up for me – ha ha!

Nothing in the house so we ate rice and tuna and drank water but our own beds and shower, Heaven!! so funny all of us woke at different times throughout day and night, I woke about 1pm, R about 4am and H about 6 pm! Dash to Tesco (other supermarkets are available – but not so convenient), sushi and wine. Jamie dropped over to see us and catch up, missed H who slept through. Washing and admin and watering poor dry garden. We have tomorrow for washing, drying, catching up, de-stupefying brains before Child 2 flies to Switzerland for week and Child 3 and I go to London for a week. Luckily new house sitters can keep an eye on things here. Get back and pack up whole house – more of that later. For now sorting out Child 2 insurance as it is travelling alone for first time – unfortunately they have not invented a ’Remembrall’ yet which I could put in its pocket to act as constant reminder (nagger) ”check you still have passport, don’t leave your wallet sticking out of bag, expect unexpected, check the board for flight boarding/leaving, take out all chains and safety pins before you go through security checkout, don’t use phone so much it dies so you can’t see boarding pass and messages, have a great time….” argh! One minute you’re together all the time then they are gone and having life experiences. I absolutely and whole heartedly want all my babes to experience nearly everything and to fly free, travel, live abroad, try difficult stuff, push themselves, break a bone, not tell me stuff BUT stay safe for ever!!! Any cousins in London we are there next week btw.

P.s we drove 1,947 km in Canada and could have done more, so many places we didn’t see – next time!